Wednesday, October 5, 2016

"Jos Metsään Haluat sä Mennä nyt" - Battle Report

Sergeant Pepper stepped over a puddle of mud. It was hard to see anything at this early hour as the sun was just beginning to peek over the hills to the east of here. Besides Darkwald forest was not named Dark-Wald for nothing. Huge trees loomed above him all around and would have cast terrible shadows would there been any light to cast shadows from.

Being a sergeant was a shitty job. Being no longer one of the guys, and not yet one of the higher ups a sergeant was expected to lead by example. Also when the crap hit the cartwheel the middle management always got the blame.

"Naturally", Sgt Pepper thought: "I was selected to carry the bag of ransom gold for the kidnappers. Any of the men would have ran with the money and Sheriff Gunther, my superior, would not choose himself for a dangerous duty like this."

A yellow orange light was beginning to glimmer through the branches of the trees and Pepper felt his mouth water as a sweet smell of tenderly grilled meat drifted around him. The bastard were having a barbecue party. "Oh well, after we ambush and bag the bastards maybe, the Sheriff will let us have it ourselves", thought he.

If Pepper would have only known what was on the menu...

The forces

The good guys

Sheriff Gunther - lvl 10 hero (Halberd, Heavy Armour)
Sgt Pepper - Lvl 5 hero (Halberd, Light Armour)

10 Forresters in two units of 5 (Longbow, Light Armour)
18 Hellblizen in two units of 10 and 8 (Halberds, Light Armour)

The bad guys:

Bruce Dick - lvl 5 Beastman shaman (Enthuse, Dispirit, Aura of resistance)
Willy Nilly - Lvl 5 Beastman hero (Halberd, Light Armour)

12 Beastmen in 3 units of 4 models (Halberd, Light Armour


As per the scenario rules (where you can also read the briefings with the back story for this scenario) only Sergeant Pepper was allowed to deploy as advance force and he made a scout move directly at the cabin and supposed drop off point for the ransom. After the Scout move Vo Dka (a Level 5 Minotaur Hero with a 2h weapon and light armour) was deployed in the middle of the board. He was the one having a barbecue, a barbecue of kidnappers and kidnappees to be precise.
The kidnappers had told the good guys to bring the ransom money to an abandoned cabin in the woods. The cabin was surrounded by woods and a river and a small road ran next to it.

When Sergeant Pepper got closer he saw the kidnapped girl been roasted on a fire by a terrible minotaur Vo Dka. Vo Dka was eating what remained of the kidnappers, but the girl was still alive!

Turn one

The good guys lost the roll off so my beastmen got to go first. A unit of 4 beastmen lead by Willy Nilly arrived casually from the woods. "Hey you were supposed to guard them, not eat them you moron", Willy shouted at his big brother. Vo Dka, totally focussed on munching a tasty morsel, ignored him.
"You weren't supposed to eat them you moron!!!"
Approximately at the same time, the foresters arrived at the opposite side of the clearing. When they saw the situation in front of the cabin, they immediately opened fire on the minotaur...
"Shoot the beast! Save the GIRL!!!"
...who got really pissed at them...
...and charged Willy Nilly and his poor brothers (because they were closest to him *duh*).
"Stop it you dumb bastAAAARGH..." -Last words of Willy Nilly
Thus ended the short but violent lives of Willy Nilly and four of his brother goats.

Turn two

At the same time Bruce Dick and four more sons arrived at the scene from the flank behind the cottage. They Marched towards the road with a goal to "save" the girl before she would be roasted or saved by the humans. Bruce cast aura of resistance, which would surely protect him from any harm.

Unfortunately for Bruce, the humans had decided to launch the ambush marching all of the Hellblitzen on the road from the same flank. When they saw Bruce and his diminutive band of chaotics, they turned to face them and then proceeded to throwing taunts and pieces of trash at the antagonists.
View from the good guys side. Forrester are deployed in the woods. Vo Dka is pursuing Willy Nilly and his guys of the board at the beastmen side and Bruce is facing the humans on the right flank behind the cottage. The girl is getting an instant tan on the open fire.
Closeup on the right flank
Vo Dka hacked and pursued the remaining beastmen of Willy of the board.

Turn Three

Pissed of by their taunts and confident in the protection of his mighty magics, Bruce shouts Chaaargbaaaa and charges the human force.

Sheriff Gunther challenges Bruce, hits twice, wounds twice and then bruce fails his saves (of 5+ from the aura) twice.
Bruce charges and dies. Beastmen are pushed back and the humans follow them off the road
Bruce's beastmen manage to cause a couple of wounds to the humans, but are pushed back because the enemy has a rank and a flag. 

The other human unit start to march forward for a flanking manoeuvre, which is kinda pointless, because at their turn the humans once again win the combat, choose to lap around the remaining beastmen unit, which panics and flees.

A pursuit ensues where the rest of the chaos spawn are hacked to ground. Meanwhile the foresters move next to the girl and begin to untie her and the minotaur turns around and walks back towards the cabin and his meal still really pissed at being interrupted while eating.
"Save her!"
Another unit of 4 beastmen arrive on the board from the flank with the river and move to threaten the foresters.

 Turn Four

The beastmen behind the river charge the foresters, who bravely flee to the woods
You cowards baa!
 Sergeant Gunther and his group move closer to the minotaur in the hopes that he charges them instead of the foresters trying to save the girl.

Cunning tactics from the good guys
The same cunning tactics
The genius stratagem worked like a charm. Vo Dka charged sergeant Gunther's unit, who promptly fled from the battlefield failing a fear check...
...and as their fearless leader ran past them the rest of the hellblitzen wisely panicked as well, and ran off the board.
Ok lets go
Meanwhile the foresters manage to get the still alive girl off her bonds. 

Turn Five

The remaining beast men band charges a forrester unit off the board.
The foresters with the girl edge away from the crazed minotaur, who after driving the hellblitzen off the board moves closer to the middle of the board. 
Sergeant Pepper steps forwards between the foresters and Vo Dka.

Turn Six

The remaining beastmen charge the foresters who have the girl. They flee and failing the leadership roll fleeing turns to rout, which means that they actually routed off the board with their prize (winning the scenario for the good guys).

Vo Dka charges sergeant Pepper, who for some explicable reason chose to hold instead of fleeing.
"Your reign of evil ends here!" -The last words of Sgt. Pepper

In the ensuing combat Vo Dka lowered his head for the charge. Sergeant Pepper lowered his halberd to receive said charge. And then they both died :D
Like this they died see.
And thus ended the battle. The girl was saved and all the important people were alright. Even Bruce Dick managed to crawl away to fight another day (because evil never truly dies and also because I have written another scenario for him, which I just don't want to throw away).


Well this was fun. After a bloody night of battle the good guys won. It was just like in the movies!


  1. Very entertaining and a fun read. Thank you Fin!

    1. Thanks for the engouragement. It's nice to know someone of flesh and blood is reading these ramblings in addition to my personal daemons :)

  2. Never have I played 3rd Edition, so ruleswise I don't know how many creative choices were made, but the end-product is indeed entertaining, especially in the age where next to every other report is in video form.
    The only real criticism I have would be that some of the picturetexts were needlessly just repeating things already said before the picture.
    Otherwise carry on the good work.

    1. Thanks for the comment. I'll do my best to incorporate your suggestion to my next report, if there will be a next report (cause you never know where life takes you). Video reports are great, but I think you'd have to play the game for the report and not the other way around to make those. Also I think making entertaining video takes a lot more skill than writing something like this.